


It Will All Be Okay In The End, Right?

by I_am_Magnus_Bane



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Depressed Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Eating Disorders, M/M, Multi, Roman is a Prick, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, dying but resurrection, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_Magnus_Bane/pseuds/I_am_Magnus_Bane
Summary: Virgil has just become a Light Side. He stayed a Dark Side for as long as he could after his boyfriend, Donte (Depression), was mysteriously murdered. He thought being a Lighty would be different, he thought it'd be easier, he thought he'd be accepted. Boy was he wrong. He developed a crush on Logan after just a few days around him, but he'd sworn off dating for good. It isn't like Logan would like him back, so he was good. Even so, Roman was determined to make his life harder. It seemed like there would be no happy ending for Virgil. But he had to keep going, for Donte. Besides, as Don always told him, it would all be okay in the end; if it wasn't okay, it wasn't the end.
Relationships: (past), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Original Male Character(s), Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 60
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some exposition. Maybe.....

Virgil didn't _mean_ to listen to the song. When Remus saved it to his 'watch later' list, he really did mean to delete it. But he _hadn't_ and now "The Family-Friendly Noose Song" was blasting his ears off in the middle of the night when he was most vulnerable. Despite his best efforts, Virge could feel his fingers tying it out, following the instructions of the song: 

"You make a loop and the snake goes down, but changes its mind and turns around and climbs back up to the top again. This is where the fun begins! You take the snake and spiral down and at the bottom what has he found? The snake goes into the rabbit's hole, then you give the top a pull! Never consider self-abuse! This is how you tie a noose!

Virgil looked down at his hoodie strings in dismay, for they were tied into small nooses. 

"No, no, no! I can't do this again!" His eyes went wide at the thought of what the others finding out. If they found out how bad he felt they would want to stuff him full of pills until he wasn't himself anymore. They'd force him to see a shrink who would ransack his mind, pry into his past, intrude upon his insecurities, then demand payment and kick him to the curb. Virgil didn't think he could endure that. Not again.

As the final refrain sounded in his ears, Virge yanked the strings back into noodle formation. He then deleted the song from both his playlist and history, lest the Duke came snooping around to see if he'd watched it.

Snatching the headphones off his head, V threw them and his phone at his desk. He missed, but it was the thought that counted. Besides, there was no way he'd sleep now. Angry outbursts were his only sense of relief.

But what if he kept Thomas up? Thomas was supposed to meet up with Joan at eight tomorrow to be moral support as his friend got his wisdom teeth removed. What would happen if he showed up late, or worse, not at all?

Virge pondered on that for a minute or three. He decided that the best option would be to sync out and see if Thomas was still awake. And Virgil did just that. He sunk out to the living room and walked to his host's room. V knocked gently on the door once he arrived, but there was no response. He knocked a little harder, this time calling out softly, "Thomas?" When no answer came, Virgil opened the door and peered inside.

Thomas was in bed asleep.

Upon seeing this, Virge was able to let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. He sunk back down into his room and collapsed on his bed, emotionally drained.

Virgil looked up at his ceiling, at the glowing plastic stars that Logan had given him to put up there as a welcoming gift. Logan had marked out all the constellations with the date they'd been discovered and by who on a piece of paper. It was no secret that Logan loved the stars, but it was a big secret that Virgil loved Logan. A secret so big, in fact, that he was the only one who contained its knowledge. 

Virge could listen to Logan talk for the rest of forever and never get bored. It didn't matter if it was about a new theory he'd had stumbled upon or about the way Einstein tried and failed to tie his shoelaces; if they had shoelaces back then.

He loved the way Logan was so well informed about everything. If he didn't know the answer he would find it, there was no gray area. That was the thing about Logan, he was always learning, no matter how simple or trivial the knowledge, and it always fascinated him.

Virgil simply adored Logan's posture. It was as if Lo (that was a nickname V'd given him in his head) thought relaxing was something only done in private because he only tended to break his stiff-backed formation when he was a) really tired, b) alone or with one other side, or c) having a bad day. No one else had picked up on this, so Logan's posture was like a mood ring that only Virgil could understand.

There were many other things about the logical trait that made Virgil's cheeks warm and his heart pound, but he was too tired to finish ging down the list. Thinking of Logan calmed him, and soon Virge was able to fall asleep, dreaming of arms around him and a soft smile hidden in his hair.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little crisis about coffee, Logan Sanders, and Roman being prissy.

A loud crash woke Virgil, causing him to jump up and glance around in fear, heart hammering in his chest. When he determined that the danger was not in his room, Virge opened his door and peered into the hallway. 

Patton and Roman were lying on the ground in front of Logan's door in a tangled heap, laughing as if they didn't have a care in the world. Logan himself was standing a few feet behind them, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head at the two of them.

"What happened?" Virgil asked, completely confused.

"We were coming back from acquiring sustenance when those two-" Logan started.

"Nothing. It doesn't involve you, Mister Dark and Scary," Roman cut in. "Go back to your 'My Chemical Heartbreak' or whatever."

"It's... it's My Chemical Romance..." Virge said quietly, getting the sense that he wasn't wanted. 

Roman glared at him, daring him to stay and talk. "Like I said, _whatever_." 

Virgil shrunk away from his hard stare, retreating into his room. He looked around, trying to memorize it. 

Today marked the beginning of his second month as a Light Side. And it was already off to a bad start. Last month he met the other Light Sides: Creativity (Roman), Morality (Patton), and Logic (Logan). Virgil had given them the basics of himself: his name was Virgil, he liked My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco, and he represented anxiety. 

He missed his boyfriends, also know as the Dark Sides, Janus and Remus terribly. Well, he missed Janus. Remus could go to hell. Virgil had betrayed the two of them, but they would forgive him in time, at least, V hoped they would. 

After a few minutes, Virge peeked out into the hallway. Feeling relieved that the others had disappeared, he walked down the corridor to the kitchen. He was glad to see that the other Sides had left the coffee pot on. At least something was going his way.

Hanging on the wall were three mugs. Virgil didn't have his own yet, so he had to choose between a space mug (Logan's), a number one dad mug (Patton's), or a theatre mug (Roman's). If he used Patton's, the dad figure would find out, Patton always had a way of finding out everything, and Virge would get gushed at. If he used Roman's.... No. Let's just say Virgil didn't want anything belonging to the prince near his mouth. And he couldn't use Logan's because the logical side would be coming down to get his daily brew any minute now. Virgil had made the mistake of using Logan's mug once. He never did it again.

So Virgil pulled out bowl.

If he were any other side, he could have just made a mug appear. But V was Anxiety. And Anxiety could never do anything right, so he'd just stopped trying. 

After adding a crap ton of sugar to his bowl, Virge poured in the heavenly liquid and hopped up on the counter to drink it. He'd only just brought the dish up to his mouth when Logan appeared, syncing up from the floor, computer in one hand, notebook in the other.

"Salutations, Virgil," he said cheerfully, setting his things down on the table. "How are you today?"

 _How was he?_ There were many answers to that: stressed, anxious, hungry, tired. Of course, none of these answers were what Logan was looking for.  


"Alive. You?" He replied instead.

"Well, I suppose I am 'alive' as well." Logan smiled (God, that _smile_!), pleased with himself for using what must have been some new-fangled slang. Lo paused and furrowed his eyebrows. "Pardon my asking, but are you drinking coffee out of a _bowl_?"

"Yes," Virgil answered, flushing purple and looking away.

"May I ask why?" 

"I mean, you can ask." Virgil muttered, embarrassed to share the reason why.

Logan walked over and turned V's head so he was looking into his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Virge's lavender blush turned to plum. "It means I may not give you an answer."

"Hmm, and why is that?" Logan slid his hand away from beneath Virgil's chin to brush V's hair out of his eyes, almost caressing his face. Virge bit his lip and looked away, his blush just getting deeper when Logan pulled his lip from his teeth.

"I, um, the reason is stupid." Virgil felt his heart pounding in his chest. _This was not a good position. If he wanted, Logan could snap his neck. Quick and easy._ A voice said. Still, as bad as the position was, having Logan so close was intoxicating. Logan smelled like a candle Janus used to burn, sandalwood, was it? It had always been Virgil's favorite.

"I'm sure it is not."

Virgil took a deep breath. _Just get it out, band-aid style._ "Idon'thaveamug." He rushed out quickly. 

Logan took a step back and looked at V oddly. "You don't what?"

"I don't have a mug." Looking away, Virge drained about half the bowl in one go.

"I am suddenly concerned for you." Virge glanced up, looking at Logan through his bangs. Logan had his same indifferent face on.

"We didn't have coffee on the other side. Or energy drinks." Without realizing it, Virgil scowled. "Just water and alcohol. And I don't drink."

"That is interesting. We always thought the Dark Sides had everything we did. Perhaps...?" Logan trailed off, his eyes unfocusing. He shook his head as if he meant to shake out the distracting thoughts. "Why couldn't you have summoned a mug?"

"I never learned how to summon things. Re wanted to keep us dependent on him and Jan. Dontè tried to teach me in secret but I could never get it right." V shook his head. He didn't want to think about Dontè.

"When Dontè was with us, he wasn't much of a teacher, as much as I hate to say it." Logan pulled down his mug. "I could try to teach you, though."

"No, it's okay. I don't want to bother you." That was a lie. Virgil would enjoy spending more time with Logan. "You don't have to do that. I'm fine with this." Virge raised his bowl.

"Preposterous. You should be just as capable as the rest of us." 

"Okay, then." Virgil said. "When do we begin?"

"As soon as I finish my coffee."

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments are welcome! (Even if it's just a button smash.) I will try my best to answer them! Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic, a ruined moment, and more sexual tension!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all let me tell you, the last chapter was WAY different than how it was written on paper. I'll include a snippet at the end.

They were standing in the Commons, fully caffeinated, when Virgil's nerves caught up to him.

"Logan, what if the others find out?" Virge was anxiously biting his fingers, not his fingernails, his actual fingers. It was a habit he'd picked up a long time ago, and as much as it embarrassed him, he couldn't stop.

"Are you talking about Patton and Roman?" Logan inquired, gently bringing V's hands away from his mouth and holding them in his. "Patton will be proud. Roman, I cannot vouch for." Lo glanced at Virge's worried face. "You don't mean the Light Sides, do you?" When Vigil shook his head, Logan brought it up so he could gaze into V's eyes. "I will not let them hurt you. I promise. You are safe here, okay?"

At that, Virgil's fear of a specific side disappeared. "Okay." He replied. "How do we start?"

Logan dropped their hands and took a step back. "Have you ever created something in the Imagination?" Logan asked. "Places, food, anything like that?"

"I had help in making a place to escape. A forest." Virge sadly looked away. " I had to have help and I haven't been there in years. I passed out for a few days after making it." Virgil shrugged. "I never tried to make anything after that. Everything I own has come from someone else."

"Alright," Logan said firmly. "That changes today." Lo looked at V with resolve. "Stand up straight and close your eyes." Virgil complied and Logan continued. "Since you are just beginning, you need to focus completely without letting your mind wander. How are you feeling?"

"Um... scared?"

"Okay, I can work with scared." Logan's hands plopped down on Virgil's shoulders, causing the anxious side to jump and open his eyes. "Sorry, sorry!" Logan said quickly. " I did not mean to scare you."

"Warn a dude!" Virge exclaimed, adjusting his jacket.

"You are obviously anxious," Logan stated. "That we need to fix. Anxiety will cause you to doubt yourself and mess up." Lo gently placed his hands on V's shoulders, giving him enough time to back away if he didn't want to be touched. "Breathe in deeply and close your eyes again," Logan instructed, stepping in close enough for Virgil to feel the heat radiating off of him. When Virgil took a deep breath, he could smell that sandalwood scent. Logan breathed out and Virge could feel it on his face, causing his heart to speed up. "Now," Lo brought V's attention back to the logical side, "as you breathe out, let all your thoughts disappear from your mind. Imagine as if all your thoughts are written upon a blackboard. As you breathe out, take up an eraser and clean off the board. You do not have to erase them all at once. Feel free to take a little bit off at a time. We have all day." Logan squeezed Virgil's shoulders reassuringly. 

Virgil took his time. He forgot about how their host had to meet up with their friend. He forgot about the other sides. The only thing that mattered right now was him and Logan. After a few minutes, his anxiety and fear of making a fool of himself bled out, leaving him relaxed and calm. When his head was clear, Virge opened his eyes. That was a big mistake.

Logan was studying his face, lips parted letting the slightest bit of coffee-scented breath blow across Virgil's lips. When the older side noticed V had opened his eyes, he blushed a beautiful shade of cobalt (Virge wished he could see that every day. It was so rare to catch the logical side off guard.) and cleared his throat. "Sorry, Virgil." Logan didn't stop his memorization but instead turned it to V's eyes. (And if Virge let his eyes flash their natural shade of violet for just a moment, no one had to know.) "Your face looks different up close. And- and from above. Wait, why are you shorter than me?" Logan's eyes searched Virgil's as if they would tell him all the secrets of the universe just as his thumb lightly brushed over the exposed skin not covered by V's shirt or jacket. Virge shivered slightly and looked away, not confident enough to maintain eye contact.

"I- I'm the youngest side," Virge whispered as if he didn't want anyone else to know what he was sharing. " I, um, I'm not actually a side, kinda. I've always been told I'm just a strong disorder. I'm not actually that important to Thomas, any of you could take on my job with ease. I'm just here for the ride."

"Falsehood," Logan whispered fiercely. "Thomas needs you. Anxiety may be a disorder, but everyone has anxiety. No matter how little or small you may think you are, anxiety is present in every human being. You are needed to do your job. You are a _very_ important side."

Virgil let his eyes meet Logan's again. "You really think so?"

"I am logic," Lo said breathlessly. "Why would I say something that isn't a fact?"

As if sensing something was about to happen, Roman burst through the door, ruining the moment. 

"Patton and I- _oh_." Roman did a double-take. "Logan, what are you doing with _him_?"

"I was trying to teach him how to summon things," Logan replied, "but I got distracted by how different he is." The logical trait stepped away, making Virgil miss his warmth, and headed over to the prince. "What did you two need?"

"Patton and I are making cookies, are you going to have some?" Roman retaliated, giving V a _look_.

"Well, that depends, what kind of cookies are you making?" Logan asked, apparently not seeing what was going on between the other two.

"Chocolate chip?"

"Why is that a question?"

"Why does it matter, Calculator Watch?"

Just as the two traits started bickering, Patton opened up the door and stuck his head in the room. "Ro, are you comi- oh! Hi, Anxiety!"

Virgil smiled and waved awkwardly. "What kind of cookies are you making, Dad?"

Just before Virge can reget using the nickname, Patton's whole face lit up. "Aww, that's the first time anyone's called me that!" Patton gushed. "Roman wanted to make some cinnamon peanut butter cookies."

"No! Nope! I am not eating those!" Logan exclaimed, looking horrified. "Uh-uh, Princey. You cannot _pay me_ to eat those!"

"What's wrong with peanut butter cookies?" Virgil asked, confused.

"It's not just the cookies, although we have those _every single week_ ," Lo explained, "he puts peanut butter on _everything_!"

"I do not!" Roman defended.

"You put it on your eggs this morning!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"They were _scrambled_!"

"So?"

"So that's disgusting!"

Patton looked at him apologetically. "They have this fight every week," he said, shaking his head with a small smile. "What kind of cookies do you like, kiddo?"

V flushed lavender again. "We didn't exactly get sweets on the other side," he said softly.

Patton gasped. _"Y_ _ou didn't get sweets?"_ Pat looked appalled. "Alright, we are going to make a big batch of chocolate chip cookies! You two, stop fighting!"

Logan and Princy fell silent, still glaring at each other.

"Anxiety, sweetie, do you want to help me make them?" Patton asked.

"I can't, I'm sorry. Logan's helping me learn how to summon things." Virgil looked at Roman anxiously. " I think you should have Roman help you. He seemed excited to do so before."

"Okay!" Patton chirped. "Come on, Roro!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I am a man of my word, here you go!
> 
> "Couldn't you just summoned a mug?" Logan asked as he walked over to get his.  
> "I don't know how. Remus wanted to make sure Don and I were always dependent on him and Dee," he shrugged. "Besides, I was always too scared I'd never get it right."  
> "Isn't that irrational? Obviously, you wouldn't get it the first time." Logan looked puzzled as he studied the other trait.  
> "I am *literally* the embodiment of anxiety, *nothing* about me is rational," Virgil huffed.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summoning, fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long guys, my family moved to a new apartment. 
> 
> Also, happy birthday, Patton!

They were back at it again, though not so close this time.

"Think of it as something you can see; feel. Imagine that you can see and feel every atom, every particle," Logan circled around Virgil. "Think of it however you need: magic, a second sense, a certain skill. However you wish."

"And how do you think of it?" Virge questioned.

"Magic," Logan smiled. V was compelled to do the same, his world lighting up at the look of delight on the other side's normally blank face. Of all of the sides, Logan usually showed the least amount of emotion.

"Doesn't that go against logic, though?" Virgil teased, finding it hard to keep up his edgy persona.

"I may be logic, but that does not mean I cannot be irrational at times," Lo retorted. "You may be anxiety, but you can still feel relaxed."

"I wouldn't go that far, but sure."

"Alright, are you going to view it as magic too?" Logan stopped his circling, standing in front of Virge. 

"Yeah, sure," he shrugged, focusing back upon the task on hand.

"Okay. Imagine you have an aura, blue, green, orange. Any color you want." Lo held his hands out, palms up. "Draw that aura close to you. Let it wrap around you like a blanket, then shift your attention to your hands. In your mind think of what you want to create. Then make it form between your hands." Logan flipped his hands so the palms were facing each other and continued. "Pull the aura into a ball, shape that ball into your chosen object." A dark blue light glowed between his hands, then warped and disappeared, leaving a box behind.

"I'll be able to do that?" V gasped in awe.

"Indeed," Logan struggled to open the box. "Dratted thing getts stuck every time, I need to fix that," he muttered to himself. "Here, will you hold the base?" he asked in defeat.

"What's in it?" Virge questioned, doing what was requested of him.

Logan pulled off the lid to reveal the treasure inside. "Donuts, neither of us have eaten," Lo explained.

"Didn't you eat earlier? You said you were 'coming back from sustenance.' Why would you go if you didn't eat?"

"Normally, I would have, but Patton made himself a quiche and he and Roman refused to stop calling it a 'quickie,' no matter how many times I corrected them." Logan shrugged, "I refused to eat, and read a book instead." 

"But wouldn't that let them win?" Virgil inquired.

"Win?" Logan repeated. " How would they win? It was not a competition. At least, I do not believe it was."

"Well, what if you gave them what they wanted? Wouldn't that allow them to win in that way?"

"I suppose I do see your point," Logan answered, "but I do not care if I did 'lose.' If they are petty enough to try to deprive me of nutrition for fun, which I do not believe was their intention, that is their problem, not mine," he took a breath and offered the box to Virgil. "Anyway, doughnut?"

"Yes, please," Virgil said to be nice. Truth was, he felt uncomfortable eating in front of people and didn't like eating much in general. Still, he took the offered food and sat down on the arm of the couch, Logan sitting on the cushion next to him. "How long do you think it will take me to do things like that?"

"It might not take long if you work and practice a lot," Logan took a bite swallowed, and continued. "It may take a few weeks or even a month; it depends on how fast you learn." Virge nodded, picking apart his doughnut as he waited for Lo to finish. When he did finish, Logan looked at the mess V held in his hands with a questioning expression. "Are you not satisfied with the flavor of your pastry? I can get you a different one."

"Hm?" Virgil looked down at his hands before squishing them together, sending the mess away. "It was good," he lied, having not eaten any of it.

"So you can send things away?" Lo said, gently pulling his hands apart, probably to see why the pieces hadn't gone everywhere.

"Oh, yeah." V shrugged, "Don was able to teach me that."

"That's good, are you ready to try out summoning?" 

"I guess," Virgil wiped his sweaty, sugary palms on his pants and stood up.

"Remember: visualize, draw in, wrap around, focus on your hands, ball it, shape it, then let it become real," Logan looked at him and smiled. "You can do this."

Virgil smiled back nervously, closing his eyes. He couldn't be distracted by Logan if he wanted to do this. He took another deep breath and began. 

Virge visualized a lilac glow around his body. Then imagined it wrapping around him like a soft blanket. V gasped as he felt warmth close in. His eyes flew open in wonder and he looked to Lo, who smiled wider and nodded encouragingly. Virgil closed his eyes and went on to the next phase: his hands.

V focused on his hands, pulling the warmth tight around every finger; every crevice. As his hands got hotter, he balled it up, turning the thermal energy into light. Virge decided to shape the light into a mug, so he didn't have to use a bowl for his coffee anymore.

Virgil decided on a plain black one and began with the handle. He twisted and molded the light to his whim, making the new ceramic the perfect shape and size. But as Virge moved on to the rest of the cup, the door banged open and he lost his focus, the handle falling to the carpet with a dull thud. Virgil opened his eyes, wanting to know what was happening around him.

Roman was standing in the doorway, trying, and failing, to hold back laughter.

"What was that?" he snickered. "Your pathetic attempt at making something good?"

"I was trying to make a coffee mug," V defended quietly, shifting his gaze to the floor. "You startled me."

"Oh, the deep, dark villain can't handle a bit of loud noise? How cowardly." Roman slammed the door, making Virge jump. "Can't handle the-"

 _"Roman."_ Logan said in a deadly voice, a voice that made Virgil want to crawl into bed and hide until the sun died. "Virgil is not a villain, nor is he a coward."

"C'mon, L," Princey sneered. "Look at him! He failed at making a simple dish. Anxiety can't even handle a little door slam!"

"He is Thomas's fight or flight, he is _supposed_ to be on edge." Logan glared at Roman as he spoke his next words in that same, fear-instilling voice. "If you wish to be a prick, I suppose you do it elsewhere, _Virgil_ and I are busy here."

The kitchen door suddenly burst open as Roman started to reply, knocking him to the floor with its force. Patton rushed into the room, not even looking at the side he just hit.

"Logan there's a fire!" he cried, looking scared, frazzled, and on the edge of tears all at the same time. "I tried to put it out but it only got bigger!"

"Did you try smothering it with a metal pot lid?" Logan asked, jerking to attention.

"We only have glass! I put water on it!"

"On a grease fire? Oh, dear, sweet Democritus!" Logan exclaimed, darting into the kitchen, Patton following behind him like a lost puppy, leaving Virgil alone with Roman.

V watched as the other side slowly got up and prowled over to him.

"Logan may be on your side right now," Roman whispered. "But you forget; I just so happen to be the fanciful side, so I know _all_ about your little crush. It would be a true _shame_ if he were to _find out_ , now wouldn't it?"

Virgil stiffened. "What are you implying?"

"Don't you get too close, _Anxiety._ No one wants a Dark Side hanging around," Roman smirked. "It won't be long until you're back where you belong. Besides, a certain Dark Side was telling me just _how much_ they miss you." With that, Princey sauntered back into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, boy, that was so much fun, wasn't it! I wonder who that side is.....
> 
> The more comments, the faster the chapters come out!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, what on Earth could be going on behind this closed door. Let's take a look, shall we?
> 
> ****TRIGGER WARNING****   
> ****BLOOD****FIGHT****CUTTING****DESTRUCTIVE VOICES****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****TRIGGER WARNING****  
> ****BLOOD****FIGHT****CUTTING****DESTRUCTIVE VOICE****  
> Sorry for the delay, y'all! My computer glitched, due to kittens. Are y'all ready for this?????? 
> 
> BONUS- I will allow ten spoilers. Ask about the next chapter or any chapters in the future! I would also love to do a Q and A in the comments if that's something y'all are interested in!  
> (I am also glad to say that I have reached thirty-one sheets of paper for this story. I am working on the front side of thirty-two!)

Virgil sank into his room, trying, and sadly, failing, to keep Roman's words from getting to him. Of course, they'd want to send him back. Virge had been kidding himself when he thought he could be a Lighty. No one in their right mind would want to keep Anxiety around. Logan probably didn't even want to be near him. Lo had probably been glad for an excuse to get away from teaching him. Since Virgil was safely away from everyone, he let himself become the monster he really knew he was, the monster he never let anyone see. The spider-legged, eight-eyed, fanged monster. That was V's biggest secret from the Light Sides: He was a part spider.

All Dark Sides slowly became part animal. There was no knowledge as to why, and singe there was no knowledge, there was no way to fight it, and worse, no cure. It was a way to say, 'once a Dark Side, always a Dark Side.' Janus was a bull-nosed snake, Remus was a giant Pacific octopus, Donté had been a Californian leaf-nosed bat, and Virgil was a purple tree tarantula. All of the Dark Sides could turn into their animal counterpart. Since Remus's animal lived in water, he could breathe underwater in human form, and on land in his animal form.

A wisp of smoke in the corner of his room caught Virgil's attention. The black smoke was quickly solidifying; that could only mean one thing: a Shadowling. Shadowlings were creatures that only appeared in Virge's room. They were about six and a half feet tall, to Virgil's five foot zero, and had razor-sharp talons for fingers. If you were cut by one you were filled with anxiety and overpowering self-hatred. You would be paralyzed, unable to move, only to think as the creatures tore you apart, the poison making you feel worse and worse, you would spend your last minutes praying for death, and then it would be delivered. It was painful, excruciating, and the only way to reverse it was with Virgil's venom. Of course, Virge was immune to his own venom, and the Shadowlings didn't have as much power over him, but the power they did have was enough.

V grabbed the bat he used to kill the creatures before they could do too much damage. He lunged forward just as the Shadowling finished forming, and slammed the bat down on the creature's left arm. Virge heard a crack and it gave a human-like scream, cradling the wounded limb to its chest. Virgil swung again, hitting right behind the knees. The Shadowling, who Virge named Ned, for just because, came crashing down. V spun out of the way, but not fast enough, for Ned raked three claws down his right side. It threw Virgil off balance, and he, too, fell to the ground. Ned scuttled over, and Virge twisted the bat around and drove the handle into one of Ned's eyes. Using the creature's surprise, V grabbed it by its neck and sunk his fangs into the Shadowling's neck. Virgil's venom, the venom that could either heal or harm, killed Ned and he burst into a bright light. As the light faded, Virgil fell forward.

Virgil was unable to move for over half an hour, but when the feeling of lead in his veins disappeared, he got up and removed his jacket, running his hand over it to mend the tears.  _ At least it's black. They won't notice if it goes in to be washed like this. _ He tossed the bloody jacket into his hamper and hoisted himself to his feet. V stumbled as a wave of dizziness and nausea washed over him. He leaned against the wall for support as he got the medical kit out of his desk. Clutching his hand to his wound, Virgil stumbled to the bathroom, too weak from blood loss to sync out. Luckily, no one passed by him in the hallway, so he didn't have to lie about anything. Virgil stumbled into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He closed his eyes and slid down the door, not strong enough to make it any further.

"Virgil?! Are you alright?" Virge's head jerked up, eyes flying open.

Of course, Logan just had to be in the bathroom, drying off his wet hair. He was half-naked, missing his shirt and tie. V only allowed himself a small glance before looking up at Logan's face. Lo picked up his glasses from the counter and came closer. Virgil forced himself up. Struggling to unlock the door because his hands were shaking, Virgil answered.

"Sorry, yeah, I'm f-fine. Sorry. I did-didn't realize anyone was in here," he quickly said. "Sorry, I just didn't mean to-sorry. Just, sorry." V finally got the dang door to open and was halfway out when Logan stopped him.

"Wait." Logan caught his forearm and pulled him back into the room, shutting the door. "You are holding a first aid kit, missing your jacket, and you have a hand pressed against your side." Logan's eyes narrowed. "Is that blood?" Virge felt fingers press right at the ends of the slices, the place where his hand couldn't cover.

"No, I spilled something on myself," Virgil squirmed away from Logan's touch. He turned back around and tried to leave again, but Logan pulled him back and Virge crashed against his chest. V panicked and tried to sync out. His vision tunneled, then went black.

When V opened his eyes next, he was laying in Logan's lap. The other side had one hand pressed against the slices, his second hand was pressed against V's neck, probably taking his pulse. Virgil blinked and groaned. He felt horrible.

"Ah, Virgil, you are conscious." Logan sounded relieved. "I was starting to worry about you." Virge, however, didn't get a chance to answer, because he sat up suddenly and scrambled to the toilet. Bile burned his mouth and nose as it came up and it sent the room spinning. "Woah," Logan exclaimed, rushing over to hold V's bangs out of his eyes. After everything had been expelled from his stomach, Virgil crashed into Logan, weak and shaky. Logan peered over his head and into the toilet. "Virgil," he said slowly and accusingly. "Virgil, all of that is stomach bile. According to that, you have not eaten since before dinner last night. Is that true?"

Vigil nodded slowly, his forehead resting against Logan's neck. "I wasn't hungry last night," he murmured. "Sorry."

"Were you not hungry almost an hour ago?"

Virge nodded again. "Sorry. I didn't want to be rude. I'm sure it was a good doughnut." Salty tears flowed down his face, and he found himself unable to stop them.

"It would not have been rude. But you need to eat something," Logan rubbed V's back soothingly. "I should tend to your side. Why did you lie to me?"

"I was afraid you'd want to do it yourself," Virgil admitted. He pulled away and flushed the toilet, closed the lid, and sat on top of it. V looked around for his medical kit, spotted it on the counter, and reached for it. Logan grabbed it before he could. "I can do it by myself, Logan."

"Virgil, I want you to take a look at your hands," Logan instructed. Virge looked at the blood staining his hand compared to his pale, almost transparent skin on his other hand. He didn't see what was so special about them. "Virgil, they are shaking.  _ You _ are shaking. Pardon me for not trusting you with a needle."

"Oh."

Logan smiled softly at V, then got up to wash his hands. "Could you remove your shirt for me? It'll be in my way."

If Virgil was feeling better, he might've made a stripping joke. But Virge felt like crap, between Roman's threat, to the poison from the Shadowling, to fainting and vomiting, he just wasn't having a great day. Slowly and numbly, V removed his long-sleeved shirt and shivered. Logan turned around and started to say something, but his words turned to a gasp. Virgil looked down and curled into himself. He knew what Logan was seeing: the cuts, scars, and bruises; new and old. Logan saw the black poison smeared on his side along with his blood. Logan saw the ribs that stuck out too far under his too-pale skin. When Logan didn't move from where he was rooted to the spot, mouth still open, V glanced up to meet his gaze. "I, uh, I know I don't look the best. I'm sorry," more tears leaked from his eyes, catching his eyeshadow and streaking in black lines down his face.

Logan moved slowly, setting the medical kit down on the edge of the tub and kneeling in front of Virge. He slowly took a hold of Virgil's hand and bared his wrist. "You too?" he asked sadly.

"You?" 

Logan nodded. He gently set V's hand down and stood up again. He pulled down his dress pants to show Virgil the mess that was his thighs. Virge softly brushed his fingertips over the cuts and scars. After a bit, Logan pulled his pants back up and took V's hands. He pressed a kiss to the inside of each wrist. "I am sorry that you are going through it, but I am glad we are not doing it alone anymore." Then he turned his attention to Virgil's side. "Do you normally have black in your blood? Does it have something to do with your animal part?"

"Did Donté tell you about that when he used to visit you after he was sent down?" Virgil didn't have to guess about the visits, Don had told him all about them every time he came back.

"Yeah. He never told me about yours, though."

"Oh, well it isn't from my counterpart, it's poison."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thing, this chapter got a little dark, yes. I am throwing Virgil through some of the things I am going through, there will be a su*cide attempt in the future. If that is something you are not willing to read, I will keep that chapter short and provide a summary in the next chapter of things you need to know. I am using this as a coping mechanism for my depression, and I don't mind if you stop reading. Thank you for sticking with me this far.
> 
> Not so dark, but have you ever put butter and apple butter on the same piece of toast? It's really good, I swear! And I just got a bunch of The Nightmare Before Christmas Snowflakes, the spider ones. My Spanish teacher made them.


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